I'll Just Keep The Rest Of Me

A couple of new updates here, I've finished the first book in the Dexter series and am about thirty pages from finishing the second. I've also nearly finished the afore mentioned 'clearing out' of some of the negative things in my life. I woke up (entirely too early) this morning with a sense of liberation, a weight off of me that, until now, I hadn't even realized was there. I suppose ridding oneself of a source of torment does that to a person.

On to the book reviews!

The Rainbow by D.H. Lawrence was good, engaging and detailed, telling the story of a family over a few generations. It definitely left me wondering what next at the end though.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, I honestly didn't finish it. I tried, made it about halfway through and finally just gave up on it. Perhaps I was in the wrong state of mind to enjoy its whimsy, but all I could think as I was reading it was 'this is dumb.'

Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay, at the beginning it's very predictable if you've watched the series, toward the end of the book the series did veer off of the original storyline. It was a nice surprise. I'm not terribly impressed with the authors style, especially in this one, it's rather amateurish, but I love the story, so I'll continue on with the series. I did notice an improvement in his writing in the second book.

Now I just need to find the next two in mass market paperback so they match my copies of the first two. That's the problem with sets, I'm meticulous about my bookshelf and they all must be uniform, in the same size, together, in order on the shelf.

I found out the other day that apparently I only have two weeks to pack and move if I still plan to go to Michigan to spend Christmas with my family there. The house was being showed to a potential tenant yesterday afternoon. I've finally started my search for a place in Colorado, but it looks as though finding a house closer and that has at the very least a washer and dryer, for less than or equal to what we were paying for the apartment is impossible. Without help from someone I know there, all I know is that is listed on the internet, usually the apartments or high rent houses for rent or sale. We will not buy there, we hate it too much.

It seems, with my newly found liberation has also come a lull in the battle with the darkness within me. The beast is quieted, for the moment, it's cries of rage only echoes in my heart.

Some things are better off forgotten, we bury them in places that we really only visit by ourselves...

-Stone Sour (Imperfect)

Can Anybody Hear Me?

I'm slacking on this thing...yet again. I suppose that just saves me from boring anyone to death.

I haven't really been posting because I've been trying to catch up on all of the crocheting I didn't do when it was too damn hot to think this summer. I've made up my first pattern! I'll post a picture when I find the yarn to finish it, I ran out five squares from being finished and now no one is carrying the shade I need. I also learned a new pattern, shell and cluster, it's a pretty, lacy one.

I decided on Tennessee for Thanksgiving, it makes more sense to go home to Michigan for Christmas, when my little sisters will be out of school and I can actually spend some time with them.

Nothing terribly interesting going on here, I've finally started looking for a new place in Colorado, not having much luck there, everything I've found is either too expensive or too far from post. err

For the record, I hate this time of year, the holidays, the greed, the crowds everywhere, the weather, all of it makes me miserable.

Compassion Became Its Own Hell

I'm sure everyone has felt at some time in their life like they were fighting against some inner darkness. Some win, some lose, for some the fight never ends. Perhaps it's me, and perhaps it's the Borderline, but I've begun to feel that I'm losing that fight. I'm giving up.

All my life I've done everything possible for others, trying to save the world one person at a time, I suppose. All the while feeling such guilt and empathy for those I was unable to help for whatever reason, never thinking of myself, the things I wanted or needed. In some way, I think it's been tearing me apart, piece by piece, building into something monstrous inside of me. Something conscienceless and self destructive to the extreme. Now I fear it's overtaking me, the beast wants out, to have control for a while.

It isn't what I want, I fear the burned bridges and people hurt if and when I lose the vice-like self-control I've held onto for so many years. The worst part is, I don't know how, or if, I can stop it.